life is like a circus
some of us are tainted creatures, and some of us are oblivious doodles.


i'm calling almost all of my teachers by their first names now. classes are pretty much informal, and you have this amount of freedom yet you don't have any control at all.

there are days when i miss the comfort where everyone is spot on and able to complete the sentences for me. yet i love this refreshing energy and a change of heart. projects and assignments are getting more serious from now on, i'm meeting new people and facing a new phase of difficulty which is enjoyable, incredible yet horribly scary.

life is like a circus
are we clowns or elephants to play the counter parts of mass destructive of the new world?

i'm sorry about my last post. it was just a rant of the moment thing and well, despite the fact i wish to delete it, i don't want to either. it's a conflict.

as to why i put that post up, because i guess that's the blatant truth. some people just don't have any tact and they hurt others as they go along their ways. i cringe at the thought of how insensitive these people are and i try to avoid in following their footsteps.

there are some people who does it in a way that i can handle it, but of course there is always a certain group of people who does it with no maturity that it becomes hurtful and well, just plain right annoying.

and sometimes you wonder if it it's better to talk behind one's back or talk it in front of the person. i choose neither, because well, who wishes to be talked about if it's something you wouldn't want to hear.

my advice? filter.

fuck, some people just don't have any tact.

okay we all know i almost never to do this but damn it, i was tagged by charmaine.

1.At what age do you wish to marry?
Fate comes, fate comes.

2.How many children do you want?
No idea.

3.What I want the most now?
Now? To sleep.

4.What do you want to be when you grow up?
Anything big in the movie industry.

5.If you can have 1 more dream to come true, what would it be?
Dreams? Have no idea.

6.What are you afraid to lose now?
Family

7.Do you believe in being in love forever?
Yes.

8.If you meet someone you love, would you confess to him/her?
You're kidding-never. I fear rejection, period.

9.How strong(in your heart) can you be?
It can be extremely strong and extremely weak.

10.What are the requirements that you wish from other half?
Awareness, loyalty.

11.Which type of person do you hate most?
Backstabbers. (I wish I could say hypocrites but arent' we all one?)

12.Do you cherish every single of your friendship?
Yes.

13.Do you believe in god?
Depends.

14.What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Money (cause whoever said that money isn't everything lied), happiness, family, friends.

15.Roughly, how much of an age gap would you want to have between you and your husband?
Older please.

16.What do you want your friend to be like?
Loyal, sincere, sociable, sensitive, able to connect.

17.What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friends' eyes?
Same as how I wish my friends to be like.

18.If you have a change, which part of your character would you like to change?
My bloody pride. (cel, you know this. i expect you to do the same)

19.If you're feeling low one day, who will you go to?
Cel. Cause the messages in her inbox are filled with my name.
Oh and my mum, cause she is my god.

20.Who is prince charming?
...

I tag cel and li jin.

yes, my black background is finally working on safari. i didn't realize you have to do the html codes. so perhaps i wouldn't change it anymore.

i have stopped writing. not offcially, but close enough. writing to me is a passion and i wish i could carry on but heavy lectures tend to put you to sleep.

remember the numbness i used to feel? i guess in a way it is coming back again. i realize i cant' handle myself in front of huge group of people concerning my thoughts and expressions, and i can only do that on a one-to-one conversations or group of four. it's fustrating and infuritating to have to shout at the top of your lungs just to be heard. and it's tiring to here constant chatter at a loud volume.

i love my life though and i'm learning how to appreciate it more each day. there are times when you're stuck alone in isolation but i guess you get over it. i'm a person who need human contact all the time or else i would think of bizzare things which shouldn't even be there.

time is constant, but life isn't.
so it's one step two step, on a highway pine.

i've realized that my family can be racist. which is sad since i myself detest racist of the human kind. and well, it is true we're all a little racist in all our own little ways-it's whether you want to admit it or not- but it goes to an extent of hating somebody before you even meet them is pretty sad.

i find myself an oddball to a various degree. i seek attention and yet i do not. there are times when i just like to seat back and listen to the conversations that rush pass by me. some of them are actually pretty funny and i think of them before i go to sleep just to fufill my dose of laughter of the day.

ever since i came alive to the social contact world again, i find myself getting depressed occasionally. it seems stupid because its usually the smallest thing that gets me down and i seek my clique out to give me my comfort. or rather i seek cel to give me comfort cause there's something about oldest buds.

we all wish to be included in social cliques, and hate to be forgotten. there are times when i do forget and i know despite someone pretending not to be hurt, they usually are.

i declare my class as really caring. due to the fact that i look sick-basically with cough and slight flu-they made sure i'm okay, and voiced out their concerns. and i sincerly thank them because trust me when i say that not everyone in this life would ask. some would ignore, some would pretend they don't know anything and some wouldn't even care.

of course some would force it out to ask, but trust me when i say you can see the sincerity behind them.

there are times when i just want to be mean- especially to the people i dislike. and when i do decide at times to be mean, you would see me as a sacarsitc maniac who bascially makes your life miserable. it's a professional career. it's actually addictive.

When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. - King James Bible

sometimes, it's better just not to care. and well being a sensitive person that's a better choice.

i must remember to be myself cause i hate to pretend.

and i must remember all of us love attention no matter how we think they don't.

and i guess in a way i must be more blunt, frank and of course daring to get what i want. cause if not i'll always be a step behind.

remember zong.

i've just remembered how nice my blog actually looks on windows. trust me, when you look on safari, you don't see anything and for awhile there i thought that my blog probably looked like the worse thing ever.

so, the first week of school has started. rejuvenating new experience and making new friends is always tough. granted, there's always pros and cons but generally although i do enjoy the life, i feel as though i'm not top of my game...which i usually am.

i used to be able to funtion so well, it becomes natural. now it seems everything has taken a new step back and i guess in a way you realize how protected and how covered you've been. i was like a big fish in a small pond and as you step out of the small pond, you realize that the world ahead of you is so large and not everything is at the bottom of your feet.

i'm so glad i build a foundation of friend(s). because i realize they're the ones i always turn back to especially my beloved for she knows who she is. it's a pretty tough world out there, and well i guess it gets tougher from here. things hurt occasionally and i try to repress it but sometimes it becomes a grudge and you feel like exploding.

i'm sure we've all been there sometimes. even now, you're probably experiencing it which bascially sucks.

and my memory has gone down the drain and in a way i was not as confident as i was before where i was the top of my game.

i guess its training day all over again.

for those who help me cope, i'm taking this opportunity to thank you.

i've just been back from fms 2008 camp.
and although it was mainly very exhausting, all in all it was pretty much one of the better camps i've been.

initially, it was pretty hard to go around and introduce yourself. there is always this possibility that you will look like a dork and being overly enthusiastic. but i wanted to make new acquaintances and i guess in a way i did. phone numbers were exchanged, topics of various kind and i'm kind of surprised i actually had subjects to talk about.

i'm always worried to find topics to talk about. i mean, with the clique i can come up with random topics and they will just listen no matter how bizarre or how random it is. i don't even need to complete my sentence and they can understand me. mentioning this, i have this huge problem with allowing people to comprehend what i'm saying. with my various buddies, it doesn't become an alien language. occasionally my whole mind is jumbled up that i just say what's on the tip, so when it comes out from my mouth people would stare at me blankly. surprisingly-or rather not surprisingly- with the clique i can safely say at least half of them understand what i'm talking about when i'm doing my usual rambles.

i've also realized i have a pretty short memory and to anyone i've offended for not remembering you i'm sorry.

you wonder how people are charismatic that human beings of any kind are just drawn to them. their confidence is so outright and yet not to the point of overwhelming.

we all like to be liked. and sometimes although i admit that i struggle to climb up the ladder, i'm contented to stay the bottom and watch the crowd.

because sometimes old friends are just the healthy dose of medicine to put you in mind.

oh my. remember the phrase 'pumped up with adrenaline'? i think i finally found the meaning.
never have a medium-sized belgian choc before you go to sleep.
damn that sugar!
not to mention the ice lemon tea.
now at 5 in the morning i'm still high on sugar.
damn it,
even the short induced sleep about three hours ago wasn't even peaceful.
what's more i'm so high from that amount of sugar and caffeine i can still fell my whole hands shivering as i type.
shit, zong has to cut down on her sugar level.
added to the fact it may cause diabetes.

hot to get rid of this energy?
what's more i'm mentally tired. my brian is at the edge already.
but i'm physically pumping with energy.
man this sucks,
literally.

okay, life's pretty mundane lately. i guess it's good because it's going to be hectic soon.
oh and remember when i complained so much about camps? well i'm still right. i still hate camps.

and yes i know i always said i'm going to change my layout soon but damn it, if you watch back to back episodes of ncis you wouldn't feel like doing it.

trust me.

p.s. music fans, listen to this: Project
They're really good.
A mixture of beat boxing and musical instruments.